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Massage practice and sex are two separate topics. However, it is a topic of massage practice, if you
broaden your perspective and consider sex as a form of close personal relationship between people.
In the modern world, sex, even between spouses, and not only sex partners, has become a form of
instant relief of physical tensions, to release stress and avoid dealing with unresolved emotional issues.
It is too often used as a panacea from anxiety and fear, including the fear of loneliness. Sex has become
safe heaven, a dangerous illusion of being close to someone else. Paradoxically enough, in reality, sex
partners are neither intimate companions to each other nor real lovers. Although they might share
partial intimacy with each other, they still set strict boundaries for one’s feelings and the feelings of
another person. They do not allow each other into the intimate parts of their being. They do not trust
genuinely. They never open to each other and do not love honestly. I believe that such relationship,
even in a family, does not correspond to what the feeling of love is. How can you be close to someone
that you do not see for what he or she is? Whom do you not know? If you feel anxious to appear
vulnerable to each other. Deep inside your consciousness, you feel that you want to be close and the
sexual attraction tells you that there is a potential for both partners to be open and intimate. They do
have something to share with each other. However, nothing goes beyond the stress release and co-
habiting in the same living space, sharing the daily chores.
Consequently, the sexual attraction weakens to nonexistence. Sometimes sex even goes away entirely
from the relationships. Or, a person depletes oneself from any feelings to the extent that becomes
satisfied with the surrogate of real intimacy with the partner by increasing quantity and not a quality of
their sexual encounters.
By being stuck in such relationships, partners lose their connection with each other and do not share
the mutual understanding. By this, I mean the enigmatic sense of the fairy tale of one and the thousands
of nights when each meeting with the spouse is new and each day is lived together. When each touch,
each caress bring joy and trust, each wry face and each glance create an intense physical reaction in
your body. Every meeting is meaningful; each event is a shared experience. If this is the case, life
becomes a dynamic story with an unexpected twist and turns because together you can allow more. You
can expand your boundaries feeling more, experiencing more, and, in general, being more creative.
But, if you do not see your partner, you stay disconnected and isolated in your little world, in your
feelings. Too often, you do not allow yourself to live fully. You fear to show your real feelings
dissatisfaction or anger. You are afraid that if you do not create an external vision of being at ease and
happy, you will lose the small amount of intimacy that you already have. Thus, you are losing yourself in
Massage practice teaches how to see partners’ feelings while staying in touch with your own and not
being frightened by the process. You are in some way making an internal contract that is acceptable
during the practice to be open to such feelings. You can fall asleep or even snore loudly under master’s
hands. In the relational message, it means that practice goes on the deeper level, and it is what your
body and mind need the most at this moment, namely, letting go of control. Eventually, you will develop
enough mental capacity to release the stern reign of your feelings and bodily reactions and not fall
asleep. For now, let the message evolve the way it goes and just trusts the process. Accepting whatever
comes. You can cry and do not restrain yourself. You have the right to pour tears, and nobody will stop
you. You need it the most right now, in the present moment.

You can daydream, create poetic lines in your head. You can indeed understand yourself, and you can
even resolve some painful issues in your life, you can change the course of your destiny. Everything is
possible. There are no should and must. There is no right or wrong. No judgements. ‘Mary is awesome.
She finally recalled her past life and now can speak Greek. But, Brian cannot let go of control, and he has
D, and John just slept through the entire process.' It is not the point. What is more important is being
present in the moment. Together.
If someone who is giving the massage practice at some point loses the contact with the partner if his or
her attention goes away from being with the person, instantly, the magic of shared experience is gone.
Even if it is just a thought, ‘Am I doing it right?’ Or any other similar notions or ideas. Being mindful of
the process is the key to the effective message practice. It is more important than the technique itself.
Saying this, knowing how to interact, how touch, how communicating nonverbally on a physical level is
central to the process. By applying the ‘rules of conscious being’, through the interplay of mutual silent
and verbal agreements on the physical level, we allow the opportunity to reach higher and more intense
If the massage practitioner ‘loses’ the contact with oneself and one’s body and not present in practice,
he or she will tire quickly. Not feeling the joy from the practise, the massage practitioner turns himself
or herself in ‘the service personal’ in other words devalue and degrade oneself. Being in contact with
one’s body and interacting using one's body are the skills that develop in the message practice and are
some of the results of this method.
You learn how to stay mindful of your own body, being aware of your feelings, tuning into your intuition
and bodily sensations at the same time being present with our partner, being compassionate with his or
her stories, listening to the partner’s body, understanding every movement of their soul and shifting
emotions. There is always a possibility that this particular massage session will turn into a unique
process in which you unite your energies, your emotional experiences, while are going through your
feelings, prohibitions, memories, blocks and look at them at new angles finding original and creative
solutions for both.
And, now, tell me, how is it related to the sex?
If you look at sex as an instant stress releaser, apparently, there is no connection. It is hard to imagine
how you pour your unresolved emotional garbage on the living person without a blink. But, maybe you
should not act this way? It is useful to no one. The pleasure is a little, if none, especially if you have ever
had a real experience of intimacy in your life.
Massage practice is too risky if compared to the sexual 'safe heaven'. You never know what to expect.
Everything can happen. It is real which changes as quickly as the reality itself, in synch with the world,
with our personal development, with the pulsing of life. However, it never becomes boring or dull. If this
is mindful, dynamic relationship, it is not dangerous. It might be painful sometimes. But it is not going to
destroy you. Just because, there is a partnership between two individuals. It is a shared space where
people trust each other. It is important for a partner not to run away in the difficult times. Keep in touch
and provide support when vulnerable. Accept in joy. Live together fully.
It is possible that man is afraid of his real feelings, his healthy masculine aggression, desires, and
passions. He is afraid to lose control. Then, when he finds himself caught in deep physical bonding, he

might miss the stable point and even become frightened that now even start to believe that he cannot
do it. But, if a woman stays in the flow of creative and living contact than in even in their next time, the
mutual experience will broaden the man's perspective of his physical capabilities and intensity of
feelings experienced in intimacy. It happened because they stayed with the emotions, did not flee away,
did not close, did not grow afraid. Just because they went further. Massage practice gives the additional
experience of mutual understanding in a pair. It allows going through challenging moments of intimacy,
knowing how to do it properly. How to stay in contact if partner shows his vulnerability, pain, fear. How
to remain calm and at the same time empathetic towards each other. How not to storm through and not
go away. Prolong the feeling and bodily sensations. How to ground. How not to rush. How to listen to
the emotion. How to share the sentiment. How to trust. How to let go of control and dive into the flow.
How to value everything that happens because it is your real body, real soul because it is life.
If you have lived many years without this level of closeness, it means that someone lied to you. And it is
likely scared you as well. You decided that intimacy is impossible and left everything as it is.
Don’t judge your partner who does not trust one’s body for deep interaction. If one is sacred of massage
practice or one does not want to learn something new. It is because the life was not all sunshine for
them. Somebody has traumatised one’s feelings. If you love this person, you will have enough
generosity of your heart to support in his first experience of how it feels. Welcome him into it. Accept
his pain, fear, and hostility in some way and weakness. Then you will have sex the way it should be.
Do not be satisfied with the surrogate. It is so sad, and it is not what you need.
Too often even socially successful and smart women and men when they encounter a good massage
practitioner, they instantly decide that this is the first person with whom they feel so well. And, of
course, it is love.
In reality, it only means that in their life, these sad individuals do not have enough attention to their
feelings and even a bit of quality bodily contact turns into a dangerous illusion of close emotional
connection. It happens as consequence of lack of culture on the physical and emotional levels. It is
unfortunate that it happens while it can, and it should be different.
It is possible, and it is necessary to see another person. To touch, to feel, to recognise, to explore his or
her body, show compassion to the physical and emotional reactions; permeate into, especially if you
marry or if you decided to have sexual intimacy with that person. There is no place for fear. Everyone
will stay alive and even become healthier through the process. That way you will not waste years in the
sense of artificial intimacy, which does not truly satisfy or bring joy. You are not going to stay isolated
inside yourself. You can find someone who can answer your feelings. For whom you will feel close
emotionally and physically and develop together, only if you are courageous enough to stay open and to
see and touch someone else in earnest. And, mainly, love. Honestly, sincerely and compassionately.

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