One of my friends asked me about how to work with fear. May be, it will find a response in you too. For a long time I thought I have no fears. Stupor, when I can not fulfill a simple task – of course. As example, text for editing is not ready yet, and it is broadcast time already, and everything is been done in a last minute, and I am rushing with the record along the hall, and there will be a mess, but the our TV story has a high rating, on top this week, and “winners don’t make excuses”. But all that is because of my spontaneity. I am just not conscious about the fact, that I was afraid to do the poor job, and only the greater fear – to disrupt the broadcast forced my mind to work. In other situation, I am not able speak about sensitive question with another person, and in communication I just switch to another themes, disappearing from person’s life afterwards… Where is the place of fear in this situation? I am just busy-busy, visiting war-conflicts and far-North, I am not afraid of mafia and conflicts with celebrities… Yes, of course, I ignore something, I have a lot of pains, I forget much. Spinning my wheels, freezing in unhappy situations…Feeling powerlessness and yearning… Feeling lonely… I do not know, what I really need. Life is not making me happy any more. So? What is fear? And then I thought that I have too many fears. That it is impossible to live with such load by myself. Without everyday psychotherapy sessions – real hell. Without caring figures. Without support and insurance. Without shelter. And then well past time I started to change my life in reality. Acting differently. Finding new ways. I’ve changed myself. And continue to study. I got several different qualifications. Currently I am notdetermining myself as a function as a part of a system. I am I. Living. Creating something all the time. With pleasure. And eventually fear came out, while it stopped to be denied. It is needed and useful for me now. One of the great delusions of the modern men – fear of fear. Fear is not limiting or hindering us. This is done by our habit to mark scary, horrible situations as “bad” or “we need to avoid this”. Let us name it Fear of fear. This is what paralyzes us. Clear fear is mobilizing. Therefore it exists in our psychics. Do you see a Saber-toothed tiger? Run. Very-very quickly. Mobilize or paralyze – a huge difference. Our psyche is designed to percept all unknown things as “maximum danger”. Same for the animals. Just observe, how cat is fearlessly walking in between horse legs (horse can stomp it easily), or sleeps under the car, and the same cat is absolutely frightened by the plastic bag, crisping on the wind. Because that is unknown. You never know, what it is. But what is happened next – as a rule? New object is investigated. New space is explored. And is not frightening any more. But pleasing. As everything, that is just acquired. Recently became mine. My own personal growth. To start a new activity is very scaring. But we all know, how delightful are the first successes in a new area! There is no real development without fear. Fearing the fear, we never going out zone of comfort, never will break our frames and open ourselves to the world, will never grow up and create anything meaningful. I am keen of travelling. And that are not “package tours”. No – I am living, really, living, trying to study and work in every place, where I am currently presented, reliving and absorbing every new space, country, situation. This is my lucky feature. A lot of people know me from this side. And from the other point of view – do you know, how nervous am I each time getting ready to the new trip? I do not want to go. In the last minute I put a lot of useless things into the suitcase. I can have problems with my stomach. I do not want to move at all. What is so scaring? War? Evacuation? No. I know by my experience, by instinct, that there will be …. Something new. And I am scared. I know this feeling precisely. And it doesn’t stop me from anything. And even doesn’t hinder me. I know, how many joy and pleasure will be further, after fear. I move, ride, jump into new stories. I share with others. A moment ago I did not want to leave Bali and now we are in Thailand, visiting school of massage, where I was assigned after second day of my arrival, and did not want to go - too lazy. One more fear-trick. But, of course, I did not cancel or overslept. And I am not regretting. Not one bit. New is always hard. At least – a bit. Always. This is about overcoming inertia, overcoming yourself, as is said, overcoming what we used to determine as “I”. Doing something new means need more energy. Just to become familiar with unknown. To fill new territories with your attention, presence. To develop new body and psyche skills. For that force is also needed. Additional resources. But nothing is impossible. Just to understand, that it works this way, tune in youself. And become more powerful. How? Fear will help. That’s so many energy in it! So many power! And power can not be good or bad. The only question is how to manage it. The “Dragon is guarding the treasure” – Chinese wisdom. “Fear is a best friend of a fighter” – said the hero of Rocco and His Brothers. Of course, as the real healthy fear sharpens sensitiveness. Switches on the instincts. We do not use even a quarter of body and mind possibilities. Fear increases our physical and psyche power. That is good! The appearance of fear for me now is indicating that I have found a way to my “reserves”. If I am experiencing fear, then I am currently in something “new”. That doesn’t mean, that I have to stop. Rather the opposite. I am on the right way. I am developing. I have stumbled upon a “magic cupboard”. Something, that I have never looked in. Do I need to look in? Absolutely. But there is dark inside for me currently, therefore I have to move carefully, attentively, conscious of each step. Not “shutting eyes”, not “rushing”. No. Vice versa. Watch veryattentively. Watch carefully. By both eyes. And – listen. Collecting information. Thinking honestly and quickly. Finding masters and experts. Appreciating other’s experiences. Hearing your own intuition. It is very good to listen it. Feelings (fear is among them) and intuition – this is not the same one. Absolutely. In my soul I can feel, that I am right, but I can behave from my fear – and betray myself. Or somebody else. And who knows what is worthier. Fear is like a thin layer, at one level man is scared, but if he looks inside – there is clarity. Just watch. Just believe. Just have a good contact with your feelings. Not refusing and not rejecting to watch something inside yourself. Living “as a whole” By all body and soul. Without cuttings. There is nothing useless inside a human being. Only poor consciousness and devaluation is what happening, bad management of yourself. What a pity. Experiencing fear from time to time means not to be a coward. Coward means do not use the power of the fear, but be controlled by it. Living and acting “inside out” fear. Or “under” it. From the position – “I am so small”. And “the world is so scary and unfriendly”. This is the state of infantile adult, scared not grown-up kid. Unfortunately, from that logic, a lot can be done, that would not make neither the world, nor our own life better. “And what could I do?” You could. But you believed your own fear. Coped out. In traditional cultures there were initiations for men. Before man has proved, that he can manage pain, fear, that he is not losing his head in a dangerous situation, staying calm and agile, same as in common circumstances, he was not allowed to have family, and often has to live where the women stay. This man is not owner of himself. Woman and kids can not be entrusted to him. That is how our ancestors considered. “Have you learned to appreciate obstacles which create new possibilities in us?” Can we change our attitude to the fear? In my point of view people are shared between those who are keen of learning and are progressing constantly. And others, who, caught oncein one comfort zone, are stacked to it and are living in it pasturing their fears. Often they receive in illnesses, losses, disappointments in that space. But people do not start to learn, but became more and more scared, and are scaring their kids as well, before they will stop to communicate with the world, love this life and give birth. And what for? Giving something to this scary world? And there was a possibility – to learn. To develop yourself. To change yourself. To enjoy. Joy is exactly the next stage of exploring new. And it is very very very close. As I told, the lay of fear is rather thin. This is just a signal. Switch on the active mode! Come to life. Look attentively. Think. I have incredibly lots of fears. And I like to learn very much. Seems, I am grateful to my fear, which helps me to search new ways and make my life so bright and diverse. Creating myself - someone who I am. My fear helps me not to just survive. It helps me to live. To live in a way of enjoying life. At all levels. Body, mind and soul. As it turns out – this is really possible. (c) text- Olesya Bondareva , translation -Maria Remova
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