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 Заголовок сообщения: How to work with fear
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One of my friends asked me about how to work with fear.
May be, it will find a response in you too.
For a long time I thought I have no fears. Stupor, when I can not fulfill a
simple task – of course. As example, text for editing is not ready yet, and
it is broadcast time already, and everything is been done in a last
minute, and I am rushing with the record along the hall, and there will
be a mess, but the our TV story has a high rating, on top this week, and
“winners don’t make excuses”. But all that is because of my spontaneity.
I am just not conscious about the fact, that I was afraid to do the poor
job, and only the greater fear – to disrupt the broadcast forced my mind
to work. In other situation, I am not able speak about sensitive question
with another person, and in communication I just switch to another
themes, disappearing from person’s life afterwards… Where is the place
of fear in this situation? I am just busy-busy, visiting war-conflicts and
far-North, I am not afraid of mafia and conflicts with celebrities… Yes, of
course, I ignore something, I have a lot of pains, I forget much. Spinning
my wheels, freezing in unhappy situations…Feeling powerlessness and
yearning… Feeling lonely… I do not know, what I really need. Life is not
making me happy any more. So? What is fear?
And then I thought that I have too many fears. That it is impossible to
live with such load by myself. Without everyday psychotherapy sessions
– real hell. Without caring figures. Without support and insurance.
Without shelter.
And then well past time I started to change my life in reality. Acting
differently. Finding new ways. I’ve changed myself. And continue to
study. I got several different qualifications. Currently I am notdetermining myself as a function as a part of a system. I am I. Living.
Creating something all the time. With pleasure.
And eventually fear came out, while it stopped to be denied. It is
needed and useful for me now.
One of the great delusions of the modern men – fear of fear. Fear is not
limiting or hindering us. This is done by our habit to mark scary, horrible
situations as “bad” or “we need to avoid this”. Let us name it Fear of
fear. This is what paralyzes us. Clear fear is mobilizing. Therefore it exists
in our psychics. Do you see a Saber-toothed tiger? Run. Very-very
Mobilize or paralyze – a huge difference.
Our psyche is designed to percept all unknown things as “maximum
danger”. Same for the animals. Just observe, how cat is fearlessly
walking in between horse legs (horse can stomp it easily), or sleeps
under the car, and the same cat is absolutely frightened by the plastic
bag, crisping on the wind. Because that is unknown. You never know,
what it is. But what is happened next – as a rule? New object is
investigated. New space is explored. And is not frightening any more.
But pleasing. As everything, that is just acquired. Recently became mine.
My own personal growth.
To start a new activity is very scaring. But we all know, how delightful
are the first successes in a new area! There is no real development
without fear. Fearing the fear, we never going out zone of comfort,
never will break our frames and open ourselves to the world, will never
grow up and create anything meaningful.
I am keen of travelling. And that are not “package tours”. No – I am
living, really, living, trying to study and work in every place, where I am
currently presented, reliving and absorbing every new space, country,
situation. This is my lucky feature. A lot of people know me from this
side. And from the other point of view – do you know, how nervous am I
each time getting ready to the new trip? I do not want to go. In the last
minute I put a lot of useless things into the suitcase. I can have problems
with my stomach. I do not want to move at all. What is so scaring? War? Evacuation? No. I know by my experience, by instinct, that there will be
…. Something new. And I am scared. I know this feeling precisely. And it
doesn’t stop me from anything. And even doesn’t hinder me. I know,
how many joy and pleasure will be further, after fear. I move, ride, jump
into new stories. I share with others.
A moment ago I did not want to leave Bali and now we are in Thailand,
visiting school of massage, where I was assigned after second day of my
arrival, and did not want to go - too lazy. One more fear-trick. But, of
course, I did not cancel or overslept. And I am not regretting. Not one
New is always hard. At least – a bit. Always. This is about overcoming
inertia, overcoming yourself, as is said, overcoming what we used to
determine as “I”. Doing something new means need more energy. Just
to become familiar with unknown. To fill new territories with your
attention, presence. To develop new body and psyche skills. For that
force is also needed. Additional resources. But nothing is impossible.
Just to understand, that it works this way, tune in youself. And become
more powerful. How? Fear will help.
That’s so many energy in it! So many power! And power can not be
good or bad. The only question is how to manage it. The “Dragon is
guarding the treasure” – Chinese wisdom. “Fear is a best friend of a
fighter” – said the hero of Rocco and His Brothers. Of course, as the real
healthy fear sharpens sensitiveness. Switches on the instincts. We do
not use even a quarter of body and mind possibilities. Fear increases our
physical and psyche power. That is good!
The appearance of fear for me now is indicating that I have found a way
to my “reserves”. If I am experiencing fear, then I am currently in
something “new”. That doesn’t mean, that I have to stop. Rather the
opposite. I am on the right way. I am developing. I have stumbled upon
a “magic cupboard”. Something, that I have never looked in. Do I need
to look in? Absolutely. But there is dark inside for me currently,
therefore I have to move carefully, attentively, conscious of each step.
Not “shutting eyes”, not “rushing”. No. Vice versa. Watch veryattentively. Watch carefully. By both eyes. And – listen. Collecting
information. Thinking honestly and quickly. Finding masters and
experts. Appreciating other’s experiences. Hearing your own intuition. It
is very good to listen it. Feelings (fear is among them) and intuition –
this is not the same one. Absolutely. In my soul I can feel, that I am right,
but I can behave from my fear – and betray myself. Or somebody else.
And who knows what is worthier.
Fear is like a thin layer, at one level man is scared, but if he looks inside
– there is clarity. Just watch. Just believe. Just have a good contact with
your feelings. Not refusing and not rejecting to watch something inside
yourself. Living “as a whole” By all body and soul. Without cuttings.
There is nothing useless inside a human being. Only poor consciousness
and devaluation is what happening, bad management of yourself. What
a pity.
Experiencing fear from time to time means not to be a coward. Coward
means do not use the power of the fear, but be controlled by it. Living
and acting “inside out” fear. Or “under” it. From the position – “I am so
small”. And “the world is so scary and unfriendly”. This is the state of
infantile adult, scared not grown-up kid. Unfortunately, from that logic,
a lot can be done, that would not make neither the world, nor our own
life better. “And what could I do?” You could. But you believed your own
fear. Coped out. In traditional cultures there were initiations for men.
Before man has proved, that he can manage pain, fear, that he is not
losing his head in a dangerous situation, staying calm and agile, same as
in common circumstances, he was not allowed to have family, and often
has to live where the women stay. This man is not owner of himself.
Woman and kids can not be entrusted to him. That is how our ancestors
“Have you learned to appreciate obstacles which create new
possibilities in us?”
Can we change our attitude to the fear?
In my point of view people are shared between those who are keen of
learning and are progressing constantly. And others, who, caught oncein one comfort zone, are stacked to it and are living in it pasturing their
fears. Often they receive in illnesses, losses, disappointments in that
space. But people do not start to learn, but became more and more
scared, and are scaring their kids as well, before they will stop to
communicate with the world, love this life and give birth. And what for?
Giving something to this scary world?
And there was a possibility – to learn. To develop yourself. To change
yourself. To enjoy. Joy is exactly the next stage of exploring new. And it
is very very very close. As I told, the lay of fear is rather thin. This is just
a signal. Switch on the active mode! Come to life. Look attentively.
I have incredibly lots of fears. And I like to learn very much.
Seems, I am grateful to my fear, which helps me to search new ways and
make my life so bright and diverse. Creating myself - someone who I am.
My fear helps me not to just survive. It helps me to live. To live in a way
of enjoying life. At all levels. Body, mind and soul.
As it turns out – this is really possible.
(c) text- Olesya Bondareva , translation -Maria Remova

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